Iris
by Darkclarkson
Summary: Songfic based on the lyrics of the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Asuka is suffering a breakdown, but still pushes help away. Can Shinji get through to the girl inside of her? One-shot, non-canon, OOC. Rated M to be safe. Sequel to "AKA What a Life!".


Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion or the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls: some other people do.

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><p><em>For Rebecca, who is always there to catch me when I fall.<em>

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><p>The lights were dimmed in the apartment when Shinji opened the door and stepped quietly through into the hall. He shrugged off his shoes and placed them neatly on the rack to his left, next to the unorganized jumble of sneakers and boots that belonged to Asuka and Misato. He bent down and rearranged them so they were neater, before shifting his own again slightly to fall in line with the rest. He stood up, brushing his hands on the back of his slacks, before ambling from the hallway and out into the cluttered kitchen.<p>

He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of mineral water. He twisted off the screw cap and held it between his thumb and middle finger for a moment, studying the serrated edges of the coarse plastic, before flicking it with his forefinger in the direction of the trash can. It bounced off the lip and rolled around the foot of it before coming to a standstill. He left it there; he could pick it up later.

He moved from the kitchen to the front room and crossed to the sliding windows. He edged them open with his free hand, moving them enough so that he could slip out onto the balcony sideways. He pulled it to behind him and turned to the edge of the balcony, leaning against it, steadying himself on the thin metal rail that prevented him from falling. To his right, the sky was tinged a deep orange, with a creeping pink blush as the sun descended on the horizon, behind the mountains. The sky itself was darkening, a cold shadow of its old self from earlier in the day as night began to creep onwards.

Shinji watched the unfolding battle of day and night with a calm expression as the sun slowly dipped beneath the jagged mountain edges that laid to the west. For once in his miserable life, he felt at peace with himself. It was one of those things that he could always find a level of peace with; a sunset or a sunrise. They calmed his turmoil of emotions within him, soothed his anger against his father and helped him cope with the people surrounding him at NERV. Shinji had never been a people person in general, but since coming to NERV, he had discovered many types of people. Misato was probably one of the few he could confide in, and likewise for Kaji; Toji, Kensuke and even possibly Rei to an extent as well, although Rei was unlikely to understand any emotions. She was confused enough as it was. On the other hand, there were people like his father and Ritsuko who he just didn't feel comfortable discussing things with, although admittedly, Gendo did seem to be making more of an effort recently. Shinji had a hunch that he was going to spring something nasty on him soon.

And then there was Asuka.

She sat in the middle of the spectrum; it heavily depended on her mood. When she was self-righteous and determined (which was nearly always), trying to speak about emotion with her was more than likely to warrant a punch to the face and a knee to the groin. She was that type of person. But in those other, brief moments when her confidence had gone, she would be willing to open up and discuss anyone else's emotion within reason; it helped her against her own turmoil. Shinji knew Asuka had suffered in childhood, but he hadn't found much out from her; he had had to speak to Misato about it, who had relayed the basic facts and story of her mother and father to him. Shinji felt sorry for Asuka, but didn't really know how to express it; even if he tried, he would probably find himself out stone cold on the floor for attempting to pity her in her eyes.

So he kept his head down and an eye open for the inevitable. Shinji knew as well as anyone that you couldn't hide your full emotions behind a facade for life. He had suffered so many breakdowns throughout his life, it was a wonder he was still here. Misato had helped to put him back on his feet, but Asuka was too... noble to accept such help. Or risk her ego being dented. Either way, she would be too proud to allow such sentiments and so Shinji didn't want to risk it. He did want to have children some day, even if it seemed like his general prospects were thin due to all the psychological pain he went through.

The sun was still going down when Shinji decided to return inside. It always seemed to set more slowly than usual when he was watching. He expected that if he went out again in half an hour, there would be no trace of daylight at all; just a carpet of inky blackness scattered with little stars above. He pushed the door back and locked it, before walking over to the switch for the lights. As he flicked it, he realized his was still holding a near-full bottle of water in his other hand; he had hardly drunk any of it. He looked at the clear liquid, distorted beneath the creased plastic, before shrugging. He walked over to the trash and picked the cap up off the floor, which he screwed back onto the bottle tightly. He set it down next to the fridge, and pulled a black rubbish bag out from under the worktop. He started to sweep the empty cans and discarded cigarette packets off the table with his free hand, holding the bag at the edge with the other. He managed to get most of the rubbish off with the first few brushes, and individually picked other small pieces up on their own, before dropping them in. One the table was cleared, he repeated the process with the worktop before tying a knot in the top of the bag and depositing it next to the trash can. He would take it out in the morning when he left for school.

He looked at the clock that hung in the kitchen. It would be another good few hours before Misato was back from work. Shinji had a feeling that she had already finished work and was in fact somewhere with Kaji at the moment, possibly trying to rekindle a romance or maybe ignoring the rekindling part and just getting straight down to it. He didn't really want to linger on the thought and busied himself with searching the cupboards for what food they had.

"Bwark."

Shinji leapt up in fright, before remembering that he lived with a penguin. He turned to Pen-Pen who appeared to have just wandered in from wherever he had been. He was looking expectantly at Shinji, one of his eyebrows raised, his beak open.

"Bwark," he said again. Shinji didn't speak Penguinese, but he was pretty sure that meant that food. Pen-Pen was generally laid back, but when it came to food, he could be very impatient. He sighed.

"Just give me a moment, I'll try and find something for you."

He reached up into a cupboard next to the fridge and rooted around blindly with his hand for a few moments. After settling his fingers on a couple of items, he found what he was looking for and pulled out two cans of tuna. He pulled out the tin-opener and quickly emptied the contents into a dish for Pen-Pen which he handed wordlessly to the penguin. He nodded to it and it returned the gesture, before waddling off down the corridor and stumbling into Misato's room. Shinji just hoped he didn't make a mess; otherwise it would be something else for him to do. A part of him doubted that Misato would even register tuna stains on her bedroom floor.

He wondered where Asuka was though. When he had come in, he had seen her shoes, so he had guessed that she was somewhere in the apartment. However, weirdly, she had not once bothered him. He wondered if she even knew he was home. He looked at the clock; she would know he was home by know at least, as she would have wanted feeding, a task that fell to him and him alone. Asuka was an even worse cook than Misato; either that or she tried to be lame at it so that it was a job she didn't have to do.

Regardless, Shinji knew that no-one had cooked since he had last, by the placing of the pans in the drawers and the dirty pots that were still resting in the dishwasher. This made him slightly concerned for Asuka's wellbeing. Possibly against his wiser, more rational and cynical judgement, he wiped his hands on the table edge and walked out of the kitchen, down the hallway to where Asuka's door was. He stood in front of it for a moment, unconsciously running a hand through his hair nervously, before he lowered it to the handle and slid it open slowly.

The room was dark. The blinds had been closed and the night lamp switched off. Minimal light came from the gaps at the foot of the blinds and the hallway, although Shinji's figure obstructed this source somewhat. Long shadows were cast into the room, which was kept immaculately tidy, in contrast with the rest of the apartment. Everything seemed to be either neatly folded or aligned. The remaining unpacked boxes had been neatly stacked at the side of the wardrobe, or pushed under the bed if they fit, hidden from view.

Shinji couldn't see Asuka though. The bed was unmade, but held no occupants, and there did not appear to be anyone standing up around the room, even in the dimly lit conditions. He looked around, straining his eyes, but couldn't seem to find a glimpse of the red-haired girl anywhere. He sighed and moved to close the door when he heard a noise.

It sounded like someone softly crying.

It could only be one person.

Shinji did not widen the door but slipped into the room. Once he had moved out of the doorframe, more light was cast into the room, but even then it was still dark enough for Asuka to be concealed wherever she was without him noticing. He moved quietly round the end of her bed and stopped at the foot of it, craning his neck round to see what was on the other side.

Asuka sat, her knees pulled up to her chest, her head buried between her legs and her arms linked around them, her hands grasping the opposite elbows. She was dressed in a plain, simple white negligee and was still wearing her clips from the synch tests in her strawberry-blonde hair. She seemed to be rocking slightly, her back resting against the metallic gray frame of her bed, occasionally brushing against the mattress.

Shinji could hear her crying. It was a low, quiet moan that tore at the soul. He could hear the tears trickling from her face and splashing against the floor, pooling near her feet. The sound was miniscule, but apart from the steady stream of sobbing, there was not another sound to be heard at all. The place was quieter than a morgue.

"Asuka?"

He had spoken before he even realized what he was saying. Asuka jerked her head up almost immediately at his words and turned to face him. In the half-light, her eyes were red rimmed and her cheeks were blotchy. However, her lips were tightly pressed together and she was staring icily at him.

"What do you want?" she snapped, her voice cracked from lack of usage. Common sense would have told Shinji to run straight from the room when Asuka stared at him like that, crying or no. If looks could kill, he would have been dead a long time ago. Instead however, his sense deserted him. He stayed rooted to the spot, his eyes locked onto Asuka's harsh gaze, and again, without realization, he spoke.

"Asuka, why are you crying?"

She seemed to tense at his speech, as if she had not been expecting him to respond. For a moment her eyes wavered, then her gaze was set back into a cold glare.

"None of your business, stupid," she replied in a voice that dripped poison. "Leave me alone."

"Asuka, you have to tell –"

"I have to tell you nothing," she answered more forcefully, anger beginning to seep into her voice. "Get the hell out of my room, Shinji."

"Asuka, you –"

Shinji did not get to finish what he was saying as in one swift motion, Asuka had stood and slapped him across the face, hard. He stumbled slightly, disorientated, but was able to see the hand being pulled back for a second strike. He ducked as it swung over his head and he brought himself up to her eye level again. She was still crying as she tried to hit him, but there was a forceful determination in her eyes, a resolution to cause him pain–

Reflexively, he brought his hand up as she aimed another blow at him, and took hold of her wrist before she could hit. She stared in shock, her eyes wide, at how he simply just held her there, a vicelike grip on her, letting her move. Her eyes travelled from the hand to his face, where he was staring at her, with something she had never seen in his eyes before.

Determination.

"I'm only trying to help," he said quietly, and before she could reply, he had released her and exited her room, shutting the door behind him. Asuka stared after him, her arm still held upwards, he fingers outstretched as she focused on the door, waiting for him to open it again and enter.

But he didn't.

Slowly, she sank back to the ground and rested against the wall. She dropped the hand to her side and could see in the darkness, the red mark he had left round hr wrist where he had held her. She looked at it blankly for a few moments, before tears came to her eyes. Before she knew it, she was crying again, the tears pouring out of her like fragments of her broken soul.

Outside the door, Shinji rested his head against the jamb, listening to the sound of Asuka crying. He waited for a few more moments until it seemed to subside somewhat, before he turned and walked slowly back into the kitchen. He very rarely took control of a situation, especially concerning Asuka and he was surprised that she hadn't leapt out of the room and attempted to kill him. He walked over to the worktop and picked up his untouched bottle of water. He screwed the cap off again, and slipped it into his pocket. He looked at the contents for a few seconds, before raising the bottle to his lips and taking a long drink. When he set it down again, it was already half empty. He kept his hand on the bottle, listening to the plastic creak underneath, before he picked it up again and headed over towards the balcony door. He swung it open again with his free hand, and stepped out into the cool night air.

The sun had finally sunk beneath the mountains; although it had not fully set, enough of it had passed to give an impression of night. Up above, small wispy clouds were beginning to seamlessly merge together to form a threadbare carpet of greying cotton over Tokyo-3. Despite the mass of clouds, Shinji could not feel rain in the air; he knew it was not forecast either, and it still felt somewhat balmy after a warm day. He tapped his thumbnail against the top of the bottle as he continued to look around him. As there was no imminent news of an Angel, the gleaming metropolis stood still in the night, hoisted from the depths of the GeoFront. The windows seemed to glitter the reflections of the final streams of daylight, bathing the city in an almost ethereal pale glow. It was a beautiful sight, but one Shinji had grown accustomed to. The novelty of it had wore off somewhat, especially in his somewhat cynical mind.

His mind wandered to Asuka, alone and crying in her bedroom. He had tried to get through to her and, as expected, she had pushed him away. But not before he had made a point. He had never believed himself to have had the nerve to touch Asuka like that, hold her against her will, but he had felt the need to defend himself. He wasn't in the wrong as far as he could make out, and that gave her no reason, traumatized or not, to beat him. When he had been traumatized, he had never physically hurt anybody, as he knew it would not have been tolerated. The death of his mother weighed too heavily on his consciousness for violence.

He closed his eyes as he stood there on the balcony, letting thoughts enter his mind he did not usually permit. He had never told anyone of course, and had even spent time trying to dissuade himself from the fact, but the truth was, deep down, he felt a love for the German girl. At first, when he had realized it, he had wondered how the hell it had happened. Maybe it had been living in close proximity; maybe it had been being able to understand all her little quirks and tendencies that no-one else did; maybe it was because their lives had been so blighted by tragedy, that he felt a need to hold onto her and love her, as if it was the end of the world. It wasn't just a physical attraction; it was an emotional one too, one that run too deep for him to even comprehend. It felt as if fate had pulled them together. Simply, he loved Asuka.

**And I'd give up forever to touch you  
>'Cause I know that you feel me somehow<br>You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
>And I don't want to go home right now<strong>

A light breeze was blowing through, one that tugged at his loose shirt. He undid the top two buttons to give himself some breathing space, and felt a slight chill as the wind passed unheeded, brushing against his skin, giving him goosebumps. He gave a shiver and took another swig of his bottle, keeping his eyes fixed on the buildings. In the distance, he saw a flock of birds form a V-shape as they flew between the buildings, dropping and rising, on the hunt for prey. At one point, they all sharply dipped and did not reappear for a good minute; Shinji could only guess that they had managed to find their target.

There was the sudden sound of the door sliding open behind him. He had only opened it slightly in order for him to slip out again, but he could hear it being pushed to its end. He tensed slightly, expecting another potential attack or a torrent of verbal abuse from the teenage girl behind him. He sighed inwardly, waiting for the outburst and physical pain for, in her eyes, looking down on her.

"Shinji..."

He hadn't expected her to speak so quietly. At first, he wondered if it had been the wind, but he turned around to face the girl to confirm it. She was stood in the doorway, her hands clasped in front of her chest, shaking slightly. It was something she very rarely did; she only ever held her hands like that when she was nervous. Her eyes were wide, and tear tracks still glistened on her face. The red in her cheeks had receded considerably, leaving her looking slightly pale and washed out.

Yet, in the night, to him, she still looked beautiful.

**And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
>Or the moment of truth in your lies<br>When everything feels like the movies  
>Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive<strong>

"Sh-shinji," she began again, stammering over the word, but she seemed unable to speak anything more, shifting uncomfortably, clasping her hands tighter. Shinji was growing more surprised by the minute. Even with her mood swings, Asuka could always articulate her words and thoughts perfectly. Now, she seemed unable to say more than his name, and even then with difficulty. After a few more attempts, she stopped shaking and looked him directly in the eye.

"Shinji," she said quietly, her voice strained, her eyes wide, staring at him with an expression somewhere between hope and regret. "I'm... I'm sorry."

There was silence.

Shinji stared as Asuka. Asuka stared at Shinji. They stared at each other. They stood opposite each other, one on the balcony, one on the threshold of the windows. Time seemed to slow as they looked at each other, staring nowhere else. The world could have ended right there and neither would have noticed.

Asuka shifted slightly, breaking the tension somewhat. Shinji however, was still too stunned to speak. Asuka never apologized and yet, she had just said the magic words, despite some signs of an inner conflict.

"Why?" he asked after a few more moments of silence stretching out between them.

"For being a bitch," she answered quickly. "For treating you like a worm. For not caring for you except when it served my interests. For pushing you away. For being –"

"No."

She looked at him, surprised, tears threatening to spill from her eyes again. Her confession was breaking down her emotional barriers, yet he had cut her off again, just as he had when she had been trying to hurt him.

"I meant," he continued hurriedly. "Why choose now to apologize? We haven't seen eye to eye since you got here Asuka and that's coming up towards a year soon. You right, you have treated me like a worm, but why choose to apologize now?"

His tone wasn't harsh or demanding; it never was. It was simply curious questioning, as one would do to a small child. Asuka didn't answer immediately, instead beginning to fidget with her hands again. A faint blush was beginning to creep on her, but she still looked on the verge of a relapse into tears.

"Forget it," he said offhandedly. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"But I do," she replied in a small voice.

"Huh?"

"I have to, Shinji," she replied, still quietly but with a sense of determination in her voice; she had dropped her hands to her side where they were clenched against her thighs. "I have to answer, otherwise I will never forgive myself. I still can't for treating you like this when..."

She trailed off again, looking at her feet instead, appearing unsure on how to express herself. Shinji however was again confused.

"Asuka?"

She looked up at him; she had begun to silently cry again. Her face however was still caught between hope and pain.

"When I love you," she finished quietly.

**And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<strong>

Shinji stood in stock silence as those three words impacted upon him. It seemed surreal, for Asuka to ever mention those words, let alone to him. His mind had gone numb, and he could no longer think coherently.

"Huh?" he said dumbly.

"Because I love you, damn it!" she answered emotionally, the tears beginning to flow faster again. Shinji's mind seemed to finally register what she had said. Setting the bottle down on the balcony edge, he too two steps to the door and pulled Asuka into a tight embrace. She dropped her head onto his shoulder and cried into it. He could feel water on his shoulder through his shirt, but he didn't care. He simply just cradled Asuka silently as she held onto him as if he was the only thing keeping her from falling.

"How long have you?" he asked gently, as if it was the most simple thing in the world. He felt Asuka tense for a moment, before she resumed shaking.

"Four months, maybe. It was when you were playing the cello."

Shinji smiled inwardly to himself. He knew that cello would come in handy one day.

"I don't know why it took me so long," Asuka continued in a muffled voice, still speaking into his shoulder. "Maybe I've been afraid. Afraid of rejection."

"And what makes you think now is the right time?"

She reared her head and looked him straight in the eye.

"I've got nothing to lose. Even if you reject me, I can't get any lower already." She looked off to one side and lifted a hand to swirl a loose tendril of her hair hanging from the front. "I'm a broken bird."

Shinji raised a hand and gently turned her head back towards him. She looked apprehensive, almost fearful, yet there was a glimmer of something strange in her eyes. He pulled her back into an embrace and stroked her hair.

"Asuka," he whispered into her ear. "I love you. And I'm going to put you back together."

He heard her gasp against him. "Do you mean that Shinji?"

He nodded. "I do."

He felt her move her head slightly. "I'm sorry," she said again quietly.

"There's no need to keep saying that."

"I feel obliged."

"Well, don't. For me please. Once is already unlike you."

She gave a weak chuckle.

"I know. But I can't be the old me anymore. I have to change."

"Don't change too much," Shinji replied. "I don't want you to change from the woman I fell in love with."

She raised her head to look at him again; there was a ghost of a smile etched on her face, but it was all Shinji needed to see. He took her face in both his hands and looked at her. Then, he slowly pulled her towards him. She offered no resistance as their lips met. After what could have been seconds or hours, they slowly separated and stared into each other's eyes.

**And all I can taste is this moment  
>And all I can breathe is your life<br>'Cause sooner or later it's over  
>I just don't want to miss you tonight<strong>

"At least you didn't pinch my nose," Shinji observed after a moment. Asuka's smile widened somewhat.

"I try not to remember that," she said softly, lifting a hand to touch his cheek. She ran her fingertips over it gently. "To think I was too blind to notice who cared for me."

"Is that why you love me?" he asked.

"One of many reasons," she replied, moving her hand to ruffle his hair. "And there's too many to list. Let's just say it's because you care and because you look good."

Shinji snorted slightly. "I honestly don't."

She put a finger to his lips. "You do to me. I don't want a jock like Toji; too ego-driven –"

"Look who's talking," he cut in, earning himself a playful smack across the cheek.

"But you," she continued as if she had not been interrupted. "You're a hard worker. Oh sure, you whine and bitch, but who can blame you really? After the lives we've had, who could blame any of us for complaining about not getting an even break?"

He silenced her with another kiss.

"Since when did you get so good at kissing?" she murmured after he released her from another hold.

"You just bring out the best of me," he replied, blushing slightly. She blushed two and took hold of his hands.

"Come on, inside," she said to him. "It's going to get cold out here."

"It already is," he replied quietly. Whilst they had been lost in each other, they had failed to notice the drop in temperature that had suddenly fallen over the city. She guided him through the door at back into the cluttered living room. He considered for a moment going back for his bottle, but decided that Asuka was more worth his attention than a piece of plastic with some water in it. Asuka continued to guide him by the hands, navigating the mess of the living room, with sprawled papers and overfilling ashtrays, towards her room. The door was already open; she led Shinji into the dark room and sat him down on her bed. She walked back over to her door and pushed it to, before switching her light on. She dimmed it and then made her way back towards him, sitting next to him on the bed.

"Um, Shinji, can I ask your opinion on something?" she asked nervously. Shinji eyed her in surprise.

"Er, sure, yeah, I suppose," he answered hesitantly. He thought he had an inkling of what was about to happen, although he discovered he was wrong moments later. Asuka reached up to her hair and slowly removed one of her clips from the synch test that she wore regardless of what she was doing; she even wore them in the shower. Yet, as she removed it, her hair fell slowly down her back, a cascading curtain or strawberry blonde that seemed to flow outwards behind her white nightdress on one side. She reached up and undid the other one, letter the rest of her hair fall down. Her fringe remained, but with her hair down, it fell to just above her waist. It was a beautiful sight.

"Do you like it?" she asked anxiously, dropping the clips to the floor and pushing them under her bed with her feet. "I don't think you've ever seen it like this so I thought–"

"You look absolutely stunning, Asuka," replied Shinji as he stared open-mouthed at her. It was true; he hadn't realized that Asuka could be any more beautiful, but with her hair down, she had added another dimension to her vulnerability and in turn, her attractiveness. She had opened her heart to him and he had seen her for the inner beauty beyond the hard shell outside.

She blushed fiercely at his comment, the red creeping up her neck and to her cheeks. "You're too sweet, you know," she said softly.

"It's the way I am, and how I deal with my problems," Shinji responded, still staring at her in fascination. "Because I spent so long being negative, I can't really do anything but make up for lost time."

"Making up for lost time is something we have to do," Asuka answered in an almost absent-minded tone.

They were silent for a few minutes, simply just looking at one another, drinking in their appearance. After a while, Asuka shifted closer towards Shinji on the bed.

"Can you kiss me again?" she asked.

"I take it this means we're in a relationship?" he returned.

She nodded. "If you don't mind. I've never had a relationship with anybody before."

"Good to know," Shinji spoke quietly as he put a hand to the back of her head and pulled her close. Their lips met again softly. There was no awkwardness, just a hold that seemed to have swept over the both of them. After they broke away, he continued to hold her hand.

"Shinji?" she whispered. "Are you enjoying this?"

"Most certainly," he replied. "I've never had a relationship before either so it's new to me as well."

"I'm glad about that," she said in a small voice. "Now, I've want to show you something else too."

This time, Shinji's guess was more accurate than before. Asuka pushed him back slightly and took the hem of her nightdress, pulling it over her head in one swift motion. Underneath the material, she was wearing a plain, white set of underwear. It was fairly neutral and unexciting, but on Asuka, it only served to enhance her beauty. One thing that Shinji noticed through was a long scar. It was faded, but still visible in the skin, running from just below her left breast, across her stomach, down to the top of her left thigh. She looked away shyly.

"It's hideous, isn't it?"

He leant over and took her by the shoulders, resting his hands on the straps of her bra. He gently eased her round to face him.

"Nothing is hideous on you Asuka. Except maybe pink. But I won't ask about the scar." He lowered one hand to it and traced his finger down the side. "You can tell me when you're ready."

She nodded and leant into him, initiating the kiss for the first time that evening. It tasted sweet, yet salty, her lips tinged with her tears. He bit down on her lip slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough for her to notice. She leant back away from him slowly after a moment and began to fiddle with the catch on her bra at the back. After a moment, she unhooked it and shrugged her bra off to reveal her breasts.

"They're..." Shinji was at a loss for words. "Delicious," he finished somewhat lamely.

Asuka giggled. "You haven't even touched them. Intentionally at least."

"I wouldn't have had the balls to even go near them."

She giggled again, and took his hand, guiding it to her chest. Shinji blushed more fiercely.

"Asuka..." he began, but she silenced him by moving his hand around slightly. She let out a soft moan in response to her actions.

"Can I trust you to continue if I let go?" she asked softly. After a moment's hesitation, he nodded. She let go and he continued to gently caress her, delicately running his hand over her pale skin. She moaned some more, louder this time.

"Oh God, that feels nice," she breathed. "Don't stop, Shinji."

To her surprise, he let go of her and drew his hand back, an apologetic look on his face.

"Asuka, whilst this is very enjoyable, I don't think we should continue," he told her, nervously, slightly fearful she may hit him. "It's good, but I'd like to take it slowly, and at this rate, we'll have done everything in the next hour."

Asuka looked at him impassively, then to his relief, broke into the first real smile she had given all night.

"You're probably right," she replied, shifting her body up the bed until she was laying on her side facing Shinji; he laid down next to her and continued to look into her. "Knowing me, I'd have ended up forcing you into something we may later regret."

"Exactly," he answered, reaching a hand behind her. "Do you want your bra back?"

She shook her head. "I don't need it. But I do need you close." She reached her arms round him, pulling him back into a hug and kissing him softly. "Will you stay the night?"

He smiled. "I'll stay forever, if you want."

**And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<br>I just want you to know who I am  
>I just want you to know who I am<br>I just want you to know who I am**

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><p>I noticed that whilst a lot of franchises had a songfic for this particular song, Evangelion did not. So that has been remedied. I did consider turning it into a little songfic that fits into the canon of Fine Bloody Mess, but decided against it. So, please read and review! Thanks!<p> 


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